Lockout Enters 6th Month
Negotiations between peanut butter and jelly were called off once again this afternoon, sending the PB&J lockout into its 6th month. At odds over the proper ratio of PB to J, both sides have been on lockout since September 1st, the day their previous contract expired.
The latest breakdown prompts both children and parents to openly ask if there will be any PB&J sandwiches at all this year. With the school year halfway gone, the hopes for a reduced sandwich season, working straight through Easter vacation, are quickly dwindling.
“At this rate, we probably won’t see PB&J back in the lunchroom until the 05-06 year.” said Lana Ambrose, local lunchlady. “It’s definitely hard on the kids. Especially the poor ones.”
Many parents are facing difficult choices in preparing their child’s brown bag lunches. “It’s hard. There only so many things you can substitute for a PB&J sandwich,” said single mother Monica DeWitt. “Jeremiah won’t eat the chicken Caesar wraps I made, or the hummus pitas. I’m down to lunch meats and you know I don’t want to see that deadbeat,” referring to her ex-husband Arnie, who works the Deli counter at Shoprite, and “who lost his good telecom job for viewing internet porn.”
Local children are feeling the pinch as well. “My mom won’t give me lunch money because I’ll trade it for Ritalin,” said Julia R, age 6. “I can’t be trusted. But mommy says the first step is to admit that I have a problem.” Julia’s mother has been giving her daughter Lender’s frozen onion bagels instead of sandwiches this year. “It usually thaws by lunch time. Usually.”
Sixth grader Will Higgins opened his lunch bag to see his mother had given him bologna and cheese, again. “What the F*#@? I told her I hate bologna.” Higgins proceeded to throw his bologna sandwich at the nearest unpopular girl, claiming that he would get his father to “straighten out” his mother later. “She knows I’m having a bad year. First the pube thing, then Ron Artest getting f*$&*@ by the league like that, I’m stressed the f*#@ out. I need a cigarette.”
The situation will continue to worsen until a neutral third party can be brought in to mediate discussions. Fluffernutter has been mentioned, but critics point to Fluff’s past relationship with peanut butter as proof of being “too partisan.” When will peanut butter get back with jelly? Parents and children are hoping for sooner rather than later.
Neither spread could be contacted for comment on this article.
The latest breakdown prompts both children and parents to openly ask if there will be any PB&J sandwiches at all this year. With the school year halfway gone, the hopes for a reduced sandwich season, working straight through Easter vacation, are quickly dwindling.
“At this rate, we probably won’t see PB&J back in the lunchroom until the 05-06 year.” said Lana Ambrose, local lunchlady. “It’s definitely hard on the kids. Especially the poor ones.”
Many parents are facing difficult choices in preparing their child’s brown bag lunches. “It’s hard. There only so many things you can substitute for a PB&J sandwich,” said single mother Monica DeWitt. “Jeremiah won’t eat the chicken Caesar wraps I made, or the hummus pitas. I’m down to lunch meats and you know I don’t want to see that deadbeat,” referring to her ex-husband Arnie, who works the Deli counter at Shoprite, and “who lost his good telecom job for viewing internet porn.”
Local children are feeling the pinch as well. “My mom won’t give me lunch money because I’ll trade it for Ritalin,” said Julia R, age 6. “I can’t be trusted. But mommy says the first step is to admit that I have a problem.” Julia’s mother has been giving her daughter Lender’s frozen onion bagels instead of sandwiches this year. “It usually thaws by lunch time. Usually.”
Sixth grader Will Higgins opened his lunch bag to see his mother had given him bologna and cheese, again. “What the F*#@? I told her I hate bologna.” Higgins proceeded to throw his bologna sandwich at the nearest unpopular girl, claiming that he would get his father to “straighten out” his mother later. “She knows I’m having a bad year. First the pube thing, then Ron Artest getting f*$&*@ by the league like that, I’m stressed the f*#@ out. I need a cigarette.”
The situation will continue to worsen until a neutral third party can be brought in to mediate discussions. Fluffernutter has been mentioned, but critics point to Fluff’s past relationship with peanut butter as proof of being “too partisan.” When will peanut butter get back with jelly? Parents and children are hoping for sooner rather than later.
Neither spread could be contacted for comment on this article.
posted by Brooks at 2/07/2005
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home