Thursday, March 24, 2005

Area Man Almost Ready To Take Over The Earth

Local resident Jeff Alberston, pictured here, claims to be in the final stages of preparation for his global dominance initiative. Before striking out on his detailed map to "super villainy", Alberston has a few loose ends to tie up.

"I gave my notice to Wegmans yesterday, so that leaves 12 more days before I squash you puny Earthlings like the scum that you are," said Alberston. "Which is good, because I promised my mother that I'd trim the branches overhanging her garage."

Concerning the world domination, Albertson's friends remain skeptical at best. "Jeff's always threatening to disintegrate me or something," claims Justin Buell. "But I'm still here."

Former manager Dennis LeJeune wishes the aspiring evil-doer plenty of luck, "but if it doesn't work out, you'll always have a job in my produce department."

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