Cupid On Record Setting Bender

Like Johnny Depp In A Hotel Room

Every year, Cupid takes the week after Valentines Day to unwind and de-stress. This year, friends say, he is on a Courtney Love type bender and hasn't let off the gas since Tuesday morning.

"He came home, crashed for a few hours, then at like ten in the morning, he was at the kitchen table blowing rails off of a Captain Crunch box," said roommate The Tooth Fairy. "Last year we went out and got hammered the night after, but that was just one night."

The hardcore partying hasn't stopped since. "Booze, coke, pot, Darvocet, meth, and some shrooms," reported the annoyed Fairy. "And I don't know what happened after I went to work. He brought home a few girls, which is really easy for him, and they were still screaming and yelling when I got back this morning. I work nights, goddammit. Every night. Not this 'I work really hard one day a year shit'. Cupid, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny: they can all blow me."

As of Friday morning, Cupid has been awake just over 72 hours. Concerned friends urged him to at least take a nap, but Cupid only replied with "You don't know me," repeated several hundred times.